Parenting is often hailed as one of the most rewarding yet demanding roles many of us will undertake. Life can be particularly challenging for children as they navigate their own emotional landscapes, especially during times of stress or upheaval. Whether you’re raising a young child, a tween, or a teenager, honing two crucial skills—validation and coping strategies—can make a significant difference in helping both you and your child manage emotional challenges effectively.
Mastering Validation
Validation is a powerful tool in parenting that helps children understand that their emotions are both valid and acceptable. By practicing validation, you convey to your child that it’s okay to experience and express their feelings, rather than suppressing them.
Dr. Chase Samsel from the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at Harvard-affiliated Boston Children’s Hospital emphasizes that validation involves acknowledging your child’s emotions and perspective. This approach builds trust and fosters a supportive environment, making it easier for your child to communicate openly and work towards solutions together.
Start by Acknowledging Their Emotions
Begin by recognizing and naming the emotions your child is experiencing. Simple statements like, “It seems like you’re feeling frustrated,” or “I can see you’ve had a difficult day at school,” validate their feelings. However, identifying the exact emotion can sometimes be challenging. Children may have trouble articulating their feelings or may express a combination of emotions simultaneously.
In teenagers, it’s common for anger to mask underlying emotions such as fear, anxiety, or sadness. In these cases, acknowledging that they’re going through a difficult time can be sufficient. The goal is to show empathy and understanding, even if you don’t fully grasp the exact nature of their emotions.
Practice Validation Regularly
Initially, your child might not respond positively to your attempts at validation. They may be reluctant to talk about their feelings or might ignore your efforts. However, consistent use of validation will eventually help your child become more comfortable with expressing their emotions. Over time, they’ll come to see that their feelings are welcomed and that they won’t face criticism or punishment for sharing them. This openness lays the groundwork for deeper communication and emotional support.
Building a Toolbox of Coping Skills
Equipping your child with coping skills provides them with practical tools to manage their emotions when they arise.
Try Breathing Exercises Together
Breathing exercises are a straightforward and effective way to manage stress and anxiety. Techniques such as three-part breathing, ujjayi breathing, and belly breathing are easy to learn and can be practiced together. These exercises help regulate the body’s stress response and can be particularly useful in moments of emotional distress.
In addition to breathing exercises, other coping strategies include guided meditation, visualization, stress-relief activities like squeezing a stress ball, engaging in physical activity, or reading together—especially beneficial for younger children who may find comfort in shared activities.
For preschool and elementary-age children, engaging in calming activities or spending time in a quiet, comforting environment can also be effective. Allowing children some alone time or a “time-out” in their room can help them process their emotions and regain composure.
Model Coping Skills Yourself
It’s crucial for parents to practice coping skills as well. Demonstrating how you manage your own emotions not only helps you stay calm but also serves as a model for your child. For instance, if you’re feeling stressed or upset, openly discuss your feelings with your child and share the coping strategies you use. Whether it’s taking a walk, practicing a breathing exercise, or solving a problem, showing how you handle your emotions teaches your child that these skills are valuable for everyone.
Dr. Samsel points out that children often mimic their parents’ behavior. By actively demonstrating constructive emotional management, you encourage your child to adopt similar practices and approach their own emotional challenges with resilience and calm.
Be Flexible with Coping Mechanisms
For older children and teenagers, it’s important to avoid imposing specific coping strategies, as this can feel punitive and lead to resistance. Instead, expose them to a variety of coping techniques and allow them to choose which ones resonate with them. This approach fosters a sense of autonomy and helps them find methods that are both effective and personally comfortable.
Encourage your child to experiment with different coping strategies and be patient as they discover what works best for them. This flexibility helps them develop their own toolkit for managing emotions and enhances their ability to cope with future challenges.
